The Insidious Self-Saboteur

Article #2 - The Negative Payoff

Who Needs Enemies When You Have Yourself?

“What’s the Gain?”

There isn’t just one thing that people do in the workforce on a regular basis to self-sabotage.

There are 15 primary deep personal beliefs, which create the behaviors of the “self-saboteur”.

In this, a continuing blog series devoted to the... “Critical 15”, the purpose is to help you recognize these

negative patterns in people you are working and dealing with, or maybe even in yourself, and how to navigate through to a

successful and happy outcome.

Beliefs are simply ideas we think are true. One of these ideas that some people in the workforce come

to think is true is that if they behave in a certain way, they will get what they want (need fulfilled), even if the behavior is

negative and very self-sabotaging.

They won’t see it that way in their mind. What they see is... “Hey, this works!”, and it may actually

work for a while, but not long term.

This negative payoff can be associated with so many different scenarios, but they all have the same goal... “If I do this, I win.”

The first time there’s a win, a pattern gets started.

Remember, the negative payoff takes less effort playing the game than it takes to fix what is not working in life.

This thought... “If I do this, I will get what I want, even though it’s a lie”, comes from an avoidance of our own personal

power, and the result of a deep fear of failure, embarrassment, criticism, or rejection.

Eventually, however, instead of getting what they want, they get just the opposite, with nobody to blame but themselves.

One example is the person who leaves work to go home with that migraine headache. The one that keeps coming back, every

time someone at work puts a demand or a high expectation out there to be done.

This is not to say there is no such thing as a migraine.

This is simply to say that some use the excuse and are great

at looking like they are suffering terribly, only to leave work and smile as they get in their car to go home, knowing someone else now has to pick up the slack in their absence, and they get to dodge another bullet without having to fulfill anyone’s expectations of them.

Another example of the negative payoff is someone who fakes a terrible, tragic situation at home. One negative payoff of pretending such drama is the belief nobody would fire a person who has so much difficulty to deal with already.

What scenarios have you seen of the lie for the “negative payoff”? Do you know someone with this pattern, only you just know

deep-down it’s a lie?

The problem with the lie is...after a while, the lie just isn’t enough to keep things going the way they want.

The “ fake migraines” will only work for so long before patience from everyone picking up the slack wears out.

The repeated pattern of “I can’t because...” will only work for a short

period of time. It’s a very unskillful way to avoid

situations instead of stepping up.

They see sympathy coming their way, not a “You’re fired!”

Questions the negative payoff person should ask themselves before continuing their “pretense to feel safe” include:

• • • If I get what I want, what will change?

What are the potentially negative changes?

What need do I fulfill by keeping things the way they are